an eye-opening, jaw-dropping litany of Scrum objections: I’ve experienced all of these except “it’s old, and thus irrelevant”. But these are just symptoms: the problems are expressed in Scrum terminology but the root causes would surface them in other language no matter what the methodology / practice used. They are symptoms of poor alignment of individuals within and across multi-functional teams. these are fundamentally management / leadership problems. Assuming these folks are developing products for end-user customers (whether internal or external makes no difference), nothing much of value will come out of these attitudes until they are sorted.
Nice touch of humour in the writing, and well captured. thanks for the yarn!